How to stay cool.

I am going to take note of what are the triggers to his tantrums and what are the triggers to my outburst.

I realise that when I bring him out, say, just to the shop or to the playground, or to the library, he tends to be okay for a long while. Maybe, I need to vary his environment over the weekdays. I tend to prefer staying indoors when Azman is not around but I think that has to change.

When I allow him to do things independently, or at least with some help, he is quite alright. For instance, I realise that one of the reasons he screams and wails is when he does not get to lock the door when we go out. I will make an effort to let him do it, but I have to be patient to help him with using the key - inserting into the lock etc.

It may sound very trivial but it's at this seemingly small things that I can snap sometimes. Imagine when you are in a hurry, you just can't afford such a long time just to lock the door. But I guess, I have to plan my outing way in advance so that rushing can be avoided, therefore, we can spend a slightly longer time opening and locking the door.

And of course, I need to equip him with accurate expressions to express what he really wants. And I have to ensure that I enforce it. For instance : `Ummi, I want to bathe myself or I want to switch on the lights myself or I want to comb myself.' Because, I realise that when he starts wailing or screaming, I just don't know what he exactly wants.

Emotional outburst is really no good for me, for him and for anyone actually. But it takes a lot of effort. I guess it's okay to be angry but the manner in which it is ventilated and let out shows our emotional strength which I have to work on. I read somewhere in the papers that there are strategies like counting 1-10 before leaving the scene. Or go and sit down, lie down before screaming (to prevent screaming). If a 33-yr-old like me cannot gather enough strength, then, how can I expect a 3-yr-old to be in control of his emotions. Btw, I'll probably get a book on this.

The other thing of course, is that I realise that I have to be more understanding about how tired a working person can be after a day at work. I think I cannot expect too much from my husband to help out. Well, he can continue helping with the laundry but you know, laundry don't have feelings whatever you do to them. But children, every slight thing we do, they react either positively or negatively. It's a 2 way thing actually. When the child screams for whatever reason, you can imagine how the tired person reacts. The whole house turns upside down. And it's really no good for the morale of the children. He'll interact with the kids in other ways, like during meal times, but maybe not in the toilet...when my son wants to do so many things himself.

Sibling squabbles over toys - I will have to be conscious as not to side with anyone. Sometimes the younger one, in her attempt to play with her brother, having a not-so-developed-yet dexterity, messes up his toys, for instance. And that could be the start of the children crying and screaming. I realise I tend to reprimand the older one more often, which in some situations may not be fair. He doesn't have enough vocab to explain himself so probably that's why he ends up wailing and screaming. I'll have to be more aware and careful before ticking off anyone.

One thing at a time.

It's so difficult to be patient.

My son is asserting his independence. He wants to do EVERYTHING himself! All he needs is for me to just stand around but do nothing so that he complete anything that he wants to do himself.

You know what that amounts to? Frustration. Soar throat...because female Tarzan is in. Tell me how to be patient.

Why? Because he takes hours just to complete a simple task! Like taking out and putting on his t-shirt. Like bathing. Like combing his hair. Like unlocking and locking the gate. Like making his own bottle of milk! Yes! He makes his own milk...The scooping of milk powder, the filling of hot water (we use the dispenser)and cold water...He does them himself(I only help in the shaking part coz otherwise the milk powder does not mix well with the water.. and that's after I insisted)Try doing things for him and he would UNDO what you've done! And then do it all over again! Aaargh!!!!!! Tolong!!!! All these would be done in between his chants `Abdullah wants to do yourself' (He still hasn't got his pronoun right)

I'm wondering if I'm over-reacting. On the one hand, yes, he's progressing. My son is a 3-yr-old who's doing things for himself. Yes, I'm supposed to be happy but really, this whole thing is testing my patience. Most of the time, I don't think I did well. I think I was just too impatient. But of course, I do feel very bad because the house just turns upside down when the screamings start.

What's a good formula to be patient? I don't want to lose my child. I want to be a better parent. Being patient is not easy at all...really. But I have to be.