Aarrgh!!!

I have to get this out of my system before I burst. I'm very frustrated, angry, sad, anxious, stressed out and extremely harassed.

So many things have happened just within these past weeks...To start it all, of course the scars on my hand are still there so I have to contend with having those marks following me during the Hari Raya visiting. Aiyah...

My mum is not around so when my younger sis gave birth to her fourth child last Saturday, both my elder sis and I have to play mum...and of course her place is so far away from Tampines... quite inconvenient to go there on my own with the kids...On Wednesday, when I went there by taxi just with the two kids, they slept. And to make matters worse, it rained. I have nothing against rains...in fact I love the cool air that comes with it but to carry two sleeping kids in the rain to my sis's place is really no mean feat... I suddenly become like the woman body-builder (I forgot her name...Jo something)I thought I'd broken my bones but thank God my bones and limbs are not man-made.
I worry for her..what with 4 kids, with a newborn and to look after the leukaemia-stricken child...at one point she herself was a bit blue so we tried to console her. My heart really goes out to her and family. Really pitiful.
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To add to my sadness, I found out that my paternal cousin has just been diagnosed with lupus and now the disease is affecting her kidney and lungs. That girl should have sat for her PSLE but has to miss it because she is still bedridden in KKH ICU. I saw her the other day and she is really in a miserable state. She was crying in pain....agonising over her headache and the heat she got from the dialysis...Too much for me to take... it was really a depressing sight.
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I still haven't finish the textbook..I'm way beyond the deadline...what the management needs to know is that the transcript from Chicago is so scanty that I have to do a lot more time-consuming research to make the lessons comprehensive and well-discussed. I've told them before that I'm not in a good position to do this but they said that I just need to re-organise the content and not start from scratch....That's totally not true.
At the rate I'm going, what with the precious nite prayers to seek and the Hari Raya to prepare for, I have my doubts about completing it before Raya. I'm frustrated... Of course, the thing about contract work is ..no deliverables mean no income. Fed-up.
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This Raya, I'm quite determined to make my own kueh because I want to utilise what I've learnt to the max. The course I attended wasn't cheap so it'll make me mad if I cannot produce something decent this time round. I've never made kuehs on my own so I think I should make... I haven't got much time but somehow last Friday I managed to do my first batch of biscuits.... and of course the icing on the cake for the day....
When I was washing up the utensils, suddenly I heard a loud bump! When I turned, my jaw dropped, my heart was in my mouth, my blood boiled! My heavy kenwood mixer was already lying on the floor motionless.. and my son looked on... Aarggghhhhhhhhh! Patience...where are you!!!!! I can't find you!!!!
He got a good tongue-lashing and of course if his ear is not Allah-made I don't know if it could survive any significant ear-pull. Afterwards, I saw it was quite red...
He got a good pinch from his Abah too... Now I wonder if the mixer can work..I ain't got time to start making the second batch of kuehs yet....Fed-up
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My baju is ready and to add to my messed-up feelings, the baju makes me look very pregnant! Aarghhhh!!! I want to look nice and presentable... not like last year when I was still preggie. Fed-up!
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My wardrobe door ...yes, that thing has dropped off! So no need to open door to get clothes... so if I see a lizard or coackroach inside there.. I have to thank the door for dropping off and of course at this very timely period.
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Somebody's child slapped my son for wanting to play with his toy....aggressive behaviour indeed!!!! I wasn't there to supervise because I was praying... Fed-up...
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Enough said.. I think I just have to move on. I guess Allah has His way to test His servants...I must tell myself to be strong and to move on with His help... And I relly pray He helps me, my family and all of us.

My son's in need of a friend

I've been his friend but I think he's at a stage where he needs to have more good friends around his age. Each time we leave a gathering of relatives or family members, my son would cry throughout the journey home. Never mind if it is from Bukit Batok all the way to Tampines..West to East... and mind you it is not at all intermittently. It is incessantly. The further away we travel from where we started off, the louder it becomes.

Yesterday night was the worst... He cried continuously from Regent Heights all the way to Tampines. I tried to console him but nothing seemed to stop him from wailing. We sang...nasyid to rhymes to Barney songs. He continued. I hugged him, stroked his back yet my little one continued. I called my sister so that he could talk to his cousin - his favourite playfriend - but she's already asleep. Even his favourite uncle couldn't make him stop. Because all he wanted was to be with them.

On reaching the carpark at home, he got a good scolding from his father. He continued. Called my sister again to let him talk to her at least. He stopped for a while then continued.

At last, I told him that well, everybody goes back to his own home at the end of the day. Therefore cousin needs to go back. So do we. Father prepared his milk... Still sobbed.

I took out his favourite Thomas and Friends book. This time he asked for Thomas VCD to be played instead. And it was 11.30p.m. I normally don't allow him to watch whatever VCDs beyond his sleeping time but yesterday was an exception. I relented.

So Thomas it was. Watching him whooshing by, tooting, huffing and puffing FINALLY made him stop crying.

I'll most likely enrol him in a playgroup class earlier than planned. I thought at 4 he would be more ready but perhaps 3 is quite a suitable age. He needs to have some friends of his age to call his own.

Ramadhan is coming

What a way to welcome Ramadhan... I accidentally scalded myself with hot oil while preparing dinner last night. Quite bad.. Painful indeed..As a result, there are some scalded skin marks on my right hand and a bit on my face! Yes, my face... but Allah is merciful. The one on the face is slightly below the right jawline so not so obvious.

On hindsight, I think I probably wasn't really a good wife lately...Maybe I'm more of a mother than a wife.I guess that really spells trouble... Shouldn't be that way. Hubby has perform his duties, bringing home the `bacon', putting bread on the table. I think I shouldn't neglect his rights since he has done his responsibilities dutifully.

I should have known better but the scalding incident was really sthg I brought upon myself. Since hubby doesn't usually read my blogs, I guess I really have to make up. Said sorry profusely... and maybe it's a good way to start Ramadhan as with any pain we got, some sins are cleared... Really, I hope I don't have to pay further in Akhirat... Astaghfirullah...