Happy Birthday my son.

My beloved son turns 3 today. How time flies. As I see him sleeping soundly in his room, I could recall how ecstatic I was the first time I was pregnant with him. I was just too overjoyed that I could not believe it was for real.

After more than (12 x 4yrs = 48)48 months of trying to conceive, I finally got pregnant in late May 2002. Initially, I thought, I would be the top Singapore purchaser of pregnancy test kits. Imagine the amount of money I spent on pregnancy test kits, month in month out, year in year out. Each time my period came late, my hopes would escalate high up beyond the sky only to be dashed later by the negative indicator on the pregnancy test kit. Each time I felt giddy or nauseous, I thought it would be good news. Imagine the amount of tears I shed discreetly in public and at home each time I see children. I thought, I was going to grow old lonely.

The long and arduous journey of waiting and trying finally ended only after He took my grandma. Two months after I came back from Haj and a month or so after my grandma passed away, I conceived. The turn of events though baffled me, made me appreciate even more how His will is the final determinant of what happens.

If my son is so precious, why then do I become so impatient with him when he does something wrong. Why do I become such a tigress when he does something annoying. What is there to lose if I become a little more patient? What is there to lose if I become a little more merciful? What is there to lose if I become more forgiving?

Yes, he scattered the toothpicks all over the kitchen floor in the midst of me busily preparing dinner. He spilled milk all over the table and tried to wipe with his bare hands when he saw me coming. He insisted on staying longer at the playground when I was in a hurry for home to prepare lunch. But, he is afterall a child.

I bet I was not perfect either as a child. Which child never spill milk or scatter whatever onto the floor. Which child doesn't enjoy playing at the playground.

If I want my child to be patient, merciful and forgiving, I can't continue to be so fierce with him. I truly regret sometimes when I scream or shout at him for just being a child.

I need to genuinely have patience, mercy and forgiveness for a lovely son like him (and daughter too)because at the end of the day our children will mirror our behaviour to a large extent.

I want to be a better parent to you - more loving, more fun and be fair to you and one who pleases Him. Happy Birthday Son.

One Saturday afternoon in 1991

15 years ago, while most teenagers spent their Saturday afternoons lazing around at home or hanging out at Orchard Road, some of us like my buddies in the photo, chose to go to Ustaz Saripi's classes. On some occasions, when lecturers like Moulana Imran Hossein came over to Singapore, we would even go from mosque to mosque to catch his lectures. Such was the enthusiasm we had during that time.

I hope and pray that Allah accepts our quest for knowledge as an act of ibadah. And in this new year, I hope I will continue seeking religious knowledge even though sometimes it is just so very hard, what with having children and many other commitments. And just be a better Muslim.