Dilemma

When I was working, I wanted so badly to resign to take care of my children myself because I want to spend much much more time with them. Now that I am a stay-home mum, I do have thoughts of going back to work because I feel my time at home with the kids is not fully utilised.

I used to have the opinion that stay-home mothers can be better mothers to their children. But after experiencing more than 2 years of staying at home with my own children, I feel, that even working mothers can also be great mums if they put in the effort to do what is necessary to bond and educate the kids.

Actually, what does it take to be a good mum? I'm just typing what I can think of...

1) Be able to love the children
2) Be able to give attention
3) Be able to educate the children with the right values
4) Be able to give input to help them be successful in this life as well as the hereafter.
5) What else?
6) Obtain good support from husband, maybe grandparents, domestic helper or babysitter.

I guess some mothers are competent enough to manage both career and their mum duties. I guess, I can't. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. I'm the easily stressed-up sort so imagine having to prepare lesson plans and teaching aids, marking books and exam papers, set exam papers, dealing with student problems and having to contact parents occaionally. These may significantly reduce the time I have with my children.

What makes me rethink my situation right now is when there are voices saying that I should do this and that like I should start working againlah... or some people saying that I should not work because `anak-anak will be stupidlah, rumahtangga porak perandalah...'. People have so many things to say and I admit sometimes I can be affected, though my husband keep on telling me not to be bothered.

But you see, my situation is different from other people's situation. What may work for my family may not work for other people's family and vice versa. The childcare arrangement for my children may work fine now but in future, whether the arrangement works will depend very much on the situation. So only my husband and I will decide what is best for the family at any point in time.

Who will care for the children if I go back to work... that's the issue. I don't want someone who is calculative, who is half-hearted or who will complain endlessly about her experience taking care of the children. I want someone who is happy with her duties and would give me necessary feedback abt the kids when I get back from work. I want my kids to be happy kids (and morelah) but how can they be happy if they are in the care of someone who is not.

I have been checking out maid agencies websites, domestic helpers, babysitters and so on. I guess I am not ready to hire anyone as yet. I have been thinking of the right candidate. And when it comes to close family members to take care of the children, I haven't receive a decisive answer. Yes, they have their own difficulties and this sometimes gets to me.

I do think of going back to work when the children are slightly older because though I enjoy staying home being with the kids, I do feel that I need to do something when the children are in school. When exactly that will be, I am not sure.